Unsure

I cannot seem to wrap my head around anything these days.  Everything has been so overwhelming that I feel like I am in this sort of black hole of strain and emotions.  And some people said that when I started college, it would be like a vacation.  But so far it is turning out to be my every thought, even though my mind is somewhere else.  And then of course, there is other things clouding my mind as well. 

I have woken up every day for the past week thinking of all of the things that I could accomplish.  But I just wind up sitting in a corner in my room and dreading everything.  It is probably because I know the big stack of homework stares at me the entire time.  It's not like I have to do impossible chemical equations or something in that field. 

It is a TON of reading.  I don't think I have done this much extensive reading since my 8th grade year, or early in my high school days.  I am assigned 20-30 pages every other day in my History class, a chapter in my Public Speaking class, and over 50 pages in my English class every Friday.  I spend alot of my time cutting down the amount of pages to read, and as soon as I am done, the pile increases.  And this is reading based on nothing.  I understand why reading a history book is important, but reading how to form a paragraph or reading how scared you are when talking in front of a group seems pointless to me unless a teacher is explaining it to me at the same time. 

And I think what is more embarassing is that I am only taking 13 credit hours this semester, while some are taking 18 or 20, and I can't seem to keep up with what I have right now.  This is coming from a person that graduated with honors and is now in the ambassador program.  I shouldn't feel like I want to live in the past.  Instead I should be happy that I'm moving forward. 

Another thing that has captured most of my attention is that my sister got a job yesterday.  Just one little detail, it's where I work as well.  Don't get me wrong, I am so happy that she is getting a job.  She deserves one just like everybody else.  But I think we will be the first siblings working together.  They should outlaw it.  No, that is too rude of me. 

The reason I feel this way is because it took me 3 years to finally find a job.  And this job is something I take very seriously.  I treasure the new friends that I have made there in the process.  People have told me that they enjoy working with me and I think everybody knows that they can depend on me.  But what happens when your sister starts working with you? 

I just have a gut in my feeling that we will have little arguments during our time together.  What will people think if and when I get on to her because she is not doing something right or that she gets on to me because she feels that I am trying to control her?  Not only does that reflect on me among my co-workers, but that makes me look unprofessional towards my customers. 

But is not only the fact that I don't want her to work because I don't want to look bad.  People like to talk about someone who doesn't do something right or something not up to their standards.  And what if a customer blesses her out like they do to me all the time?  I don't want to walk around and hear something bad about her.  I don't want to say something and cause a scene, but I also don't want to sit back and do nothing while someone talks about her. 

But maybe I am looking too far into it.  Maybe my managers think that she can do the job by judging how I perform.  And it is an accurate conclusion because I have seen her in action, and she can do it.  And who knows, maybe we will a compatable team on the work floor.  There is just way too many things that make me feel that this is a bad idea.  I have prayed alot about it though.  I know that whatever happens is God's path, and I just need to finally follow it. 

Thanks for listening.  It was nice to get all of this off of my chest.  See you soon!

-Tyler