This new diet of mine has really put me in a rough mood. If you haven't found this out by now, I'll be very shocked. I have been dependant on bread for everything, including emotional support. And you really don't know how good food is until you have to stop eating it.
It has taken me this long to write this post. I even had to drag myself kicking and screaming to type this one. I have so many thoughts running through my head that when it's time to type on here, I'm just emotionally drained. Please bear with me...
Now that I am rid of my patient mood, I have begun to realize alot of stuff.
Since last week, I have had the urge to slap some people. There are some people that were on my nerves even when I was in a good state. Imagine me now. I daydream of slapfests now. Is that healthy? This has shown me how immature people are my age. Maybe a good slap to the face could make them see some sense.
My friend for example; she is all over this one guy, but when he doesn't give her the time of day, she gives the "I'm done" rant. We have all heard it before. I used to hear it everyday and I even responded with grace. But now I'm a new person. When she gave a little rant I told her up front to stop trying to feel responsible for him. She seemed to get the hint...until saturday. She was all over him again and even today; making all sorts of noises to make him smile. It took every bit of strength I had to stop myself from yelling across the room to tell her to shut it up. I told her sister that when she brings the subject up to me again, I was just going to tell her to stop having her head up his you-know-what, and move on. *Add applause for good editing!
You don't realize how self centered people are until you go on one of these diets. I tell you what, these girls are so concerned about these guys that they date. They are so much in love, putting the Mrs. in their texting signature, and then BOOM, they're fighting because he doesn't talk about her on facebook. I think he is smart, because I wouldn't want everybody to know about my every little detail about how I spend my time with my lover.
On the sensitive side, this new diet has really left some emotional distress. I still haven't gotten the official results from my tests, which deep down is eating me alive. I have high assurances that Celiac is my true problem, but there is still that feeling that it isn't. And then if the test come back negative, what is there? More tests to determine what it really is. More and new diets, and who knows what else. I pray every night that this Celiac will be my diagnosis. Now all I want is to move on to other things to get on with this situation.
I still feel that my feelings are on a tight rope. I try to distance myself from everyone, try to make myself invisible. My only conforts are reading and listening to Delta Goodrem and Aimee Allen, and even that comfort is short. I catch myself staring into blank space, feeling that my mind and body are two seperate things in an unknown world. I call it a case of Mistaken Identity.
All I can hope for right now is for the phone to ring and give me the diagnosis I want and expect. Cross your paws, I'll keep you updated.
-Tyler
No comments:
Post a Comment